As I was reading through applications, there were some that were very convicting to me. Some of the applicants expressed hurt or disappointment or general dissatisfaction in areas that I had leadership roles. In a way, I felt that I had failed them. I was sad that they had the bad experience, and I wished that I had known about it so that I could have done something to change the situation. On the other hand, I was never approached with the dissatisfaction. I could have been more consistent in checking in with the people under my purview, but I wasn't.
I suppose after thinking about it, after feeling convicted and guilty, I was thankful. Thankful that there are people who are not settling, who see something that they are discontent with and have a desire to change.
Having had this particular position of leadership for almost a year and a half, I've become very attached and certainly very invested. The things that I desire for this fellowship, I would love to see to fruition. Things that I've started, I would love to see blossom and grow. Then I realized, it's not about me. Yes, there is that part of me that likes to finish what I started. Maybe I wasn't completely being selfish and wanting glory for myself. But I'm pretty sure the Spirit spoke in my ear, reminding me that in the end, my dreams for this fellowship are not as great as His. He reminded me that this was also not about me. That in allowing new people to take the lead, to step into roles that He has designed for them, He is demonstrating His Sovereignty. He reminded me that although I am graduating and leaving, He is most definitely still at work.