homesick

Have you ever wrestled with homesickness?

I have to admit that I have. Seemingly a lot in the last couple of years, but I get the feeling that comes with transition. And, if you are one who isn't sure how you feel about change (as I sometimes am), then homesickness can creep up on you at moments you least expect. Or, sometimes it hits you like a freight train going 60 miles per hour.

Homesickness and loneliness have often gone hand in hand for me. Because, as a wise friend observed to me, in those times of transition, we want someone who KNOWS us. Who we have history with. Who we know cares and is ok just being with us. Something or someone constant in the midst of change.

Just as leaves go through seasons and changes, so do we.

Lately, homesickness converges on me with every little bump in the road. Just one of those days, the ones where nothing goes quite how you want it to and a million little things suddenly seem like a billion big things, threatens to drive me to tears.

But, nearing the end of one of those days, I read something. Something about how when I don't feel at home, remember what is unchanging and "home" even if i'm not at a particular physical location, surrounded by what's familiar. The first and foremost is that I am loved and that the same Spirit that has power over death is dwelling, residing in me. Wow. This particular devotion then advised its readers to make a list of 10 things that do not change, even when your location changes, starting with "1. God lovingly lives in me."

So here is my list.

1. Jesus is Messiah, Savior, Redeemer, Shepherd, High Priest and so much more. (I know I changed the first one, but I think this one is pretty important. If this first one is true, it gives meaning and value to the second one.)
2. God lovingly lives in me (God is always with me, in power)
3. God is working things out for good
4. God works things out in His time
5. My family is still my family
6. My friends are still my friends
7. I am the beloved creation of the Creator
8. Always important to know: my address (and if in a country speaking another language, how to ask where the bathroom is.)
9. Laughter makes things just a little bit better (so does sunshine, but I generally have very little control over that one)
10. There will be a shop/restaurant/grocery store that has noodles/ramen.

Let me say, this exercise was harder than it may seem. I encourage you to try it for yourself and think about your list. It helps to come back to it on one of those days that you feel like homesickness or loneliness is winning the battle over you.

The top four of my list are directly related to Jesus (there are Bible verses linked to the different colored words, if you want to browse through them). From my experience, He is the ONLY thing that is always constant. Though everything may change, He will not. If you are curious about it, or confused or just want to ask, I would love to talk to you about it. You can leave a comment or ask me to contact you via email.

Hopefully, when you reach a point of homesickness in your life, this will encourage and strengthen you!

fair frenzy

Ever try to point out landmarks in a place where there are
multiples of everything?

Smells. Sounds. Lights. All in abundance.


Though I have lived in China the majority of my life, the chaos of the State Fair is a completely different animal compared to the throngs of people that I have been a part of in downtown Shanghai. Despite my initial overwhelmed-ness, I enjoyed taking in the games, rides and food stalls.

We cleaned it to the bone.

Half the fun of the fair is the food. Deep fried, flavorful rich goodness. I wouldn't have gotten half the things I ate if I hadn't been with other people, but seeing as I was with my boyfriend (Abraham) and his brother, I didn't feel half so guilty because we could distribute the cholesterol clogging of our veins and commiserate together over our indulgence when it came back to bite us. And eat we did. Here is the summation of our menu: funnel cake (smothered in chocolate and strawberry sauce and powdered sugar. drool.), turkey legs (smoked and tender and scrumptious, eaten after the funnel cake, of course), lemonade (must hydrate, after all), smoked corn (don't worry, its nutritional value was negated when a dip of butter turned into a thorough stirring of the pot), fried pickle chips (ones that were somehow missing the pickle ingredient) and chocolate dipped ice cream (i think they skimped on the ice cream, but it's not like we needed the extra calories).

Now,  you might be slightly appalled at the copious amounts of food we consumed, but don't worry, we didn't sit and engorge ourselves-- it was a process dispersed between endless walking and crowd maneuvering.

Whack-a-Mole Winner!

On to games and rides. After finally meeting up with the friends we planned on meeting up with, we strolled around, looking for a game. We settled on a good game of Whack-a-Mole. I was standing there, taking pictures of them playing, when a man tapped on my shoulder. When I turned around, he said "if you want to win, play on Station 1, it's been winning all night." For proof, his daughter stood behind him holding a stuffed animal that was quite possibly larger than she was. Why not? Since I hadn't played yet, my boyfriend insisted I play. After missing a couple, I won! With the high score of 150! To give you a reference point, when my friends played the first round, the high score among them was about 80. Clearly the man's information was correct. We decided to test it again. My friend steps up to the bat and...drumroll... 150 points! I think our laughter and glee tipped off the guy running the booth because he came over, pulled out an offending mole, and restored the station to its normal scoring abilities. Oh well. At least I got a stuffed giraffe out of it!

To finish the evening we rode a swinging, turning ride that Abraham called "the Claw," and watched the fireworks as they shot off in fast succession.

All in all, a very fun, delicious way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

What do you like at the fair?

Tuition Qualifications

I was listening to NPR this morning as I was completely stopped on a 65mph highway on my way to work, and I learned about a very curious case happening in Florida. Apparently, there are many students who are being charged out-of-state tuition, even at community colleges, despite the fact that they were born and raised in Florida. Why, you might ask? Because their parents are illegal immigrants.
 
I understand that the whole debate on illegal immigrants is touchy and steeped in controversy, however, this was shocking to me. As one who never lived in the US until college, I am astounded that these students were denied in-state status while I was granted in-state status after attending a state institution for a semester. Yes, I am a US citizen and there were many many questions that I had to answer and give proof of, but I was still given the rank of "in-state," and all the privileges afforded that label, not the least of which was lower (much lower) tuition rates.

I agree with what one of the guests on the radio show said. She said (paraphrase) that these students are US citizens, and in America, we do not rank our citizens. Regardless of their parent's immigration status, these students should be regarded on the same level as any other American citizen. These students have worked much harder and longer to get even to where they are (at least harder and longer than I have)--how can we inhibit them further when they are much a citizen as any other person born in Florida. Or Massachusetts. Or Oregon. Or any other state? Similar cases have occurred in California and Colorado.

Now these students are suing the state for a chance at their education. Hopefully this will be a matter quickly made right. To read more about it, here is the article and radio program. A local public media source has some information on the case here.

This article from Tampa Bay Online says surprisingly little about the case.

Interestingly, MSNBC.com. CNN.com and NYTimes.com did not have their own news story about the case.

What do you think?

Because I am loathe to post without a photo, here is one I took last year. Today is Halloween, and while I'm not a big Halloween celebrator, I do enjoy carving pumpkins. This year has gone by without the fun of gutting a pumpkin, though not without some degree of wistfulness. I thought about carving something this weekend, but really, after Halloween, the time has passed for pumpkin carving. Oh well. Now I have 365 days to plan for next year! To those of you celebrating it, Happy Halloween!

friends

With the appearance of the sun's rays, Carolina's Class of 2011 turned their tassels and officially went from being undergraduate students to alumni. Now I've become an alumnus twice over and something about moving the bit of stringy fabric from the left to the right gives me this feeling of officiality. Yes. Now that the tassel is on the right, I'm actually graduated.

Thinking back to that day, I was in a rush. I didn't spend long dwelling on the fact that I was a graduate, because I went straight from the stadium and some picture taking to the emptying of my apartment. Quite the process. It's amazing how many things one accumulates over a year of living in an apartment. 

As I was packing and deciding what was worth keeping and what wasn't, I was extremely thankful for my roommate who was helping me move stuff around and go on trash runs. I was extremely thankful for her presence especially when the RA came through checking things and kept opening up doors and cabinets and finding things that were accidentally left. Though she had already finished moving out, she was willing to give me her time. What a blessing.

Having friends in your immediate vicinity for only a short period of time is common if you are a TCK (you can learn more about TCKs here). If you grew up in a transient environment, learning handle frequent moves and making friends quickly becomes a survival technique. Though my roots are confusing, I have to admit that I love having friends from all different places. The down-side is that they're everywhere, and getting together with them often involves a lengthy plane ride. It also means I have to be on top of my game in keeping touch long distance. Nonetheless, they are near and dear to me.

Being in a new place yet again means making new friends. Though I've done this before, now it involves so much initiative on my part. Before, friends were there for the making. Classes. Activities. Sports. Now, I have to go find them, and it takes so much longer.

Whether by proxy or through my own initative, I know that God will put people in my life. He has not promised a life of solitude but one where He is with me. I know that community will be provided.

As I was thinking about so many of my friends in different places, this photo I took a while back came to mind. In Shanghai, many of the trees lining the sidewalks are wrapped in these twinkle lights. Not just in the winter, but all through the year. It's actually very beautiful and enchanting. Any way, these lights reminded me of my friends. Some are closer than others, shining their light directly, but some are further away. Despite their distance, however, their light is no less bright. Perhaps a little out of focus, but just as strong. I truly value my friendships. No matter the time or distance, they are there. In the darkness, their light is all the more visible.

So, my friends, thank you. For being such an illuminating force in my life. For being God's strength and love shown to me through you. Maybe you don't even realize it, but it's true.

All this slightly sappy reflecting and talking about twinkle lights makes me want to put some up. I think I will. At the very least, it's a good reminder of how blessed I am with so many wonderful friends. Since all the Christmas decorations are already out in stores, I guess it won't be too hard to find some.

How do you go about making friends?